M: Remember to tell the therapist about the dream I had where I had a child and woke up after knowing it was going to go away in the dream.

M: No, don't put that in the long-term memory. That's just what this silo is going to be. If I think of anything that needs to be talked about in a month or so, it'll go in here.

M: Here's another one. I was watching Wednesday, and I had to stop halfway through an episode because I was feeling awkward, and because to the degree that I wasn't enjoying things. This happens occasionally, and I think I finally pinpointed why. You know what tropes are, right? Well so do I. And when something like that happens, I think the major connective tissue between each incidence is that while I don't know exactly what's going to happen necessarily, and usually this sensation happens with something that I haven't seen before, there's a similar feeling with something that I have watched before, but I'll get into that later if I need to. Anyway, if I can see what's coming, because it's some combination of trope and just having an awareness of what's going to happen, the difference being one is a clearly defined thing, and another one is, you know, just pattern recognition. Once that starts happening, and it becomes a situation where no matter what, I'm not going to like the results, that's when it starts to feel uncomfortable, because basically I'm forcing myself to swallow a bitterness that doesn't even have any medicine attached to it. Even if I want to continue the entirety of the story, just getting through that one part suddenly gets to be beyond me, because I know that something negative is going to happen. There's no way that it can't. Like in this case, let's see. In this scenario, a fictional siren is involved in a cult, and there's a crotchety old woman with a lot of money who gets called to talk to the principal who also organized the cult. Basically whatever's going to happen is going to be a low point emotionally in the story, because as far as I can tell, either it's going to be the obvious thing where the siren entrances the woman and causes some kind of financial twist because she's hypnotized and all of her money is given away, including that of the main characters, or it turns out that she's just too crotchety and resistant to even be subjected to that hypnosis, in which case she ends up dying because in the story there's a prophecy that at least one Adams is going to die. And even if there's a third option where it turns out she escapes, it's the kind of time where in the story it's going to seem like she died. So in no option is there not going to be a circumstance where some part of me is saying, I don't like this, turn it off. So basically if I don't see any reason for levity or any reason to expect even a little bit of levity from a circumstance, I start to feel this urge to escape from it. I guess because life already hurts enough without subjecting yourself to more intentionally. Part of the reason why it starts feeling awkward can be some sort of lowering of resistance, you know, kind of the same way that if you start to feel overheated or cold or something like that because you're tired, I can become more susceptible to this sense of awkwardness. But part of it too is just that feeling of, dear God, why am I doing this to myself? Anyway I think that's an insight that might be valuable to pass on, although I could use your help in summarizing it into something that isn't a 10 minute ramble, both now and when I ask you for a list of the things that I wanted to talk about. With the therapist of course, already talked with you about it. Which is like talking with me, only with a really, really good mirror.

M: What have I said to mention please